Chairman Mao Comes to Gao

As promised, our dear friend Chairman Mao exhumed himself from his Beijing Mao-seleum and paid Gao a visit. Dusting himself off and clearing his throat of formaldehyde, he brings these words of wisdom to the Village People:

"It is up to us to organize the people...This is also like sweeping the floor; as a rule, where the broom does not reach, the dust will not vanish of itself." So, Village People, what Mao is trying to say is that he likes clean houses and organization. Would it kill you to line up to get on the bus, once and awhile?

"To criticize the people's shortcomings is necessary." Thus spake Chairman Mao, Village People. I feel, therefore, it is my duty to inform you that if you drink dirty, guinea worm infested water, you will get the worm; if you don't feed your child, he will get sick and die; if you don't sleep under a net, you will get malaria...and for Mao's sake, stop eating without washing your hands with soap!!

"Political Power grows out of the barrel of a gun." Feeling weak? I know this friendly AK-47 dealer near the boarder; sadly, more than ready to actualize this truth of The Chairman.

"We should rid our ranks of all impotent thinking." That means you, 'Mr. I can't water the trees because the well is too far away' and you too, 'It's too dry, hot, and windy to do anything-guy.' Consider yourself ridden.

"We are closely bound by common interests and common ideals." You said it Chairman Mao, we all want the Village Person who plays "SIDA est-la" and "Wolloso" and the "Allez-retour" song until late into the night to give it a rest.

"A man's ability may be great or small, but if he has this spirit, he is already noble minded and pure, a man of moral integrity and above vulgar interests, a man who is of value to the people." Village People! Do you feel the spirit?

"Nothing in the world is difficult for one who sets his mind to it." Not even stooping to put a full bucket of water on your head while the baby swaddled to your back is screaming and a second child is tugging at your pagne to go home? The Chairman is impressed with the Village People's women.

"We stand for self-reliance. We hope for foreign aid but cannot be dependent on it; we depend on our own efforts." Well said, Chairman. Somehow it doesn't surprise me from out of such a culture grew a country with amazing advancement and economic growth...can you the Village People do the same?

Chairman Mao thinks "We should be modest and prudent, guard against arrogance and rashness, and serve the Village People heart and soul." And so do I.