Because we all need a little more Confucian guidance in our lives. And let’s face it guys, China is going to take over the world. We may as well start learning how they think. Next issue, don’t miss “Chairman Mao Comes to Gao.”
Betrayed in Bagoundié asks: “Confucius, that little shit of a garibou took my plate of beans and rice before I was even finished. Is hunting him down and demanding penance a good idea?”
Confucius say: “Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.”
Malodorous Ménakite asks: “Confucius, I am just sick and tired of smelling my own sweat, what can I do?”
Confucius say: “Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it.”
Faux-pas Fearing in Fafa asks: “Last night, my jatigi yelled at me for eating with my left hand—but I had a bandaged cut on the right!! I just can’t get over the faux pas I committed, can you help?”
Confucius say: “Be not ashamed of mistakes and thus make them crimes.”
Blasphemous in Bara asks: “I was mimicking the call to prayer yesterday from my courtyard and someone overheard. It’s just so darn catchy. Was that wrong of me?”
Confucius say: “I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.”
Gorging in Gao asks: “Salty rice just really doesn’t do it for me and I have gotten into the habit of going to the chicken lady every night for dinner. But now, to quote a dear APCD of ours, ‘Les volontaires sont broke!’ What should I do now?
Confucius say: “He who will not economize will have to agonize.”
Harmed in Haousa-Foulane asks: “On the road to site, the blasted bush taxi window shattered and shards of glass embedded themselves into my hand. I want to march over to the driver’s house and demand recompense. Is this too drastic?
Confucius say: “Forget injuries, never forget kindnesses.”
Doubting in Douentza asks: “I went to have my fortune told, but all the old woman read from the cowrie shells was that I had ‘two minds,’ had to give some alfinta to a garibou, slaughter a white chicken, and go on a trip. This is all bunk! I really want to know what’s in my stars, how?”
Confucius say: “Study the past if you would define the future.”
Afraid in Ansongo asks: “The recent abductions in Niger and violence in Ménaka have me spooked. What advice can you offer to console?”
Confucius say: “The superior man, when resting in safety, does not forget that danger may come. When in a state of security he does not forget the possibility of ruin. When all is orderly, he does not forget that disorder may come. Thus his person is not endangered, and his States and all their clans are preserved.”
Grossed-out in Gossi asks: “What is with the way people eat fish here? All spitting of bones and eating of eyeballs and gills…why am I so disgusted?”
Confucius say: “Men's natures are alike, it is their habits that carry them far apart.”
Tossing in the Towel in Tashran asks: “The emotional roller-coast ride of my service is nauseating; I’m this close to ETing. Any words of advice?”
Confucius say: “They must often change who would be constant in happiness or wisdom.”
Teased in Tchintchinomé asks: “This morning was the last time anyone calls me an Anasara or Tubob. When will the name-calling end??
Confucius say: “He for whom neither slander does gradually soak into the mind, nor statements that startle like a wound in the flesh, are successful and may be called intelligent indeed.”
Linguistically-challenged in Léléhoye asks: “I’m jealous of my teammates’ ability with the local language. Help please?”
Confucius say: “Fine words and an insinuating appearance are seldom associated with true virtue.”
Lagging-behind in Labbezanga asks: “Can the bus take any longer? I swear they were being extra-godly and stopped to pray doubly as often! Why is transport so damn frustrating?
Confucius say: “It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop.”
Offensive in Ouatagouna asks: “So, I kinda ended up peeing in a mosque the other day. But I swear, I didn’t know! Is Allah a forgiving god?”
Confucius say: “Ignorance is the night of the mind, but a night without moon and star.”
**Note: Any association between localities used above and the life of the PCV found there is purely coincidental. Forgive me, I was amiably achieving alluring alliteration.
Monday, September 10, 2007
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